Through the Eyes of a Husband

Tammy and I fell in love while writing songs for a three-song demo she was recording at a friend’s studio. It didn’t take long to know my life was going to be blessed with her by my side.

Most people aren’t fortunate enough to find their true love, and I find that extremely sad.  Others are genuinely blessed in that love has indeed touched their lives.  I am one of the fortunate and my story begins with that very fact.  Tammy was, is and always will be the love of my life…my true soul mate.

During our three-year relationship, we focused on our love of music but more importantly on “us.” We were completely fulfilled, simply by being in each other’s presence, and were married July 12th, 2003.  At our wedding reception, I arranged to have the piano rolled out on to the dance floor so that Tammy and I could sing “our song.” We wrote the song together; Tammy sang her verse and I sang mine.  We sang the chorus together.  We spent four glorious months as husband and wife, but the happiness I had found was to be short-lived.  My heart and spirit were broken on a cold November day when she was taken from me in a tragic car accident.  This beautiful, vibrant, loving woman was gone.

The days that followed were spent in shock and confusion.  I was offered counseling by a crisis response centre, but was not yet ready to accept their help.  I was feeling extremely vulnerable and didn’t want to share that with anyone.  I learned about Hospice through a family friend who is a volunteer there.  Because of the trust I have in this friend, it re-assured me that this was the counseling I needed, and that brought me comfort.  In fact, my parents had attended several fundraising events for Hospice Vaughan in the past; not knowing that one day I, myself would need their services.  I called the number that was given to me and made an appointment to see a grief counselor at Hospice Vaughan.  My experience at Hospice is difficult to put into words.  After my first session, I realized that it was very necessary and important for me to continue coming.  It allowed me to speak about everything I was feeling… the good, the bad, and the uncomfortable.  I felt safe in their care and all who volunteer and work there provided the same comfort.

The grief counselor asked me if I would be interested in joining a grief support group.  I felt open to sharing my pain as well as experiencing other people’s pain, so I agreed.  The program gave me a great sense of acceptance and understanding.  It was made up of other people who had suffered loss as well.   We all connected and shared our feelings and experiences.  Every session was an experience of both laughter and sorrow.  We shared our innermost feelings while comforting one another.   Hospice Vaughan is here for people who have lost a loved one.  The services are available free of charge.  It continues to be a constant source of support for me….even to this day.

I have some advice for those of you reading this article:  Please don’t take your lives for granted.  Death does not discriminate.  It can take anyone at anytime.  Tammy and I loved and lived passionately during our time together.  I know we will never really be apart.  This is what keeps me with her and her with me.  Every time I sit at the piano and sing our wedding song, I sing my verse…and she sings her verse from heaven.  I love her too much to just trick myself into believing I have to let her go.   She will always be a part of me.

– Written by: Adrien, Hospice Vaughan

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